kia ora all
Tonight i'm feeling angry and sad.David is being a big pain in the butt.David has a bad cough and his chest is in a bad way.
David won't keep warm goes out at night then comes home early in the morning sleeps all day then out again.Last week we went to the hospice and he said"mummy I don't wan't to die",we both looked at each other with tears in our eyes and holding hands,I said I don't want you to die either and i'm not ready to let you go and if I could change or trade places with you
i bloody would in a flash but tonight he isn't looking after himself and I don't want to deal with him because he ain't listerning to me and i'm really pissed off.Full of anger and tears.
My mind is in 2places.My dad has not been well.About 6 weeks ago my dad nearly died and now my dad is in Waikato hospital.My dad will go on dialacs? machine on Wednesday then my dad will have his leg ambutated? just below the knee on Thursday.I rang my mum to try and talk to her but I don't think she was listerning to me but I understand.
Right now i'm in tears because I wan't to go be with my parents but i don't,David won't listern to me and I don't
want to deal with him.When David gets sick i'm the one who has to deal with him,if we end up in hospital,Mark has to look after Samuel and Kain and it's not fear on them or me cause i hate being away from them.
At the moment I think that David is only thinking about himself and his friends.We have had alot of yelling and saying things that hurt us.David is very angry and has punch a hole in the wall and is seeing someone tomorrow.I'm sorry that he is feeling angry.David understand that im feeling angry and that I cry everyday but does he care,sometimes he makes me wonder.
I just want to hide in a hole and not come out until the time is right and when the time is right can somebody tell me,anybody tell me.I have heaps more tears and when they stop i will never know but i do know that I love my son and parents but right now I can't deal with anything cause my mind is in 2 places.
Sorry for the spelling mistakes and if my update don't make sinse is because my life doesn't make sinse.